I’ve been asking myself a question this morning: Am I paralyzed by fear? I think that maybe I am. However, I think I guise that fear under the very “level-headed” notion that I am being responsible.
We have all these dreams. For me to not have to work full time, to live in a tiny house, to travel, maybe even to start a family (we’re still a little undecided on this one).
It was scary to move out to AZ, leave the Midwest, jeopardize my job, and take a financial leap to pursue Philip’s dream of becoming a commercial pilot. But we did it! We just jumped in.
But for these other dreams, we’ve been talking and planning for years and have yet to make a move. Every delay is hinged on us not being ready–financially or otherwise. Yeah, I want us to be smart and make wise choices. But I also don’t want us to feel trapped…which is how I’ve been feeling lately.
The problem is, there will always be SOMETHING standing in the way of us pursuing our dreams; ALWAYS something that makes this not the right time.
So at what point do we say “screw it!” and just get going on what we want to do? Is it the day we start questioning our life choices? Is it the day I began loosing my professional ambitions? How about the day I considered quitting work and going back to school so I could leave the Marketing field to reinvent myself as a park ranger? What about the day we seriously considered if we could live full time tenting in campgrounds?
Because we’ve done all this. Is it a delayed quarter-life crisis? Or am I waking up to the fact that there are all these things that would make our lives more rich and I’m not doing them because I’m scared?
I know this post is really pushing the philosophical side of my blog and is borderline depressing even, so we could all use a breather I think. Here’s an update.
Last weekend Philip and I camped in Flagstaff with the pups. We went up early to get a site on the lake and it was glorious.
On Sunday I did my first open water swim as a part of a triathlon relay for my friend’s birthday. It was 3/4 of a mile and took me 18.5 minutes to complete (about 2.5 minutes too slow for me). The water was cold and solid brown, and I got kicked a lot, and accidentally grabbed a lot of arms and legs. Every second of that race was pretty jarring and overall not my favorite race. But I did it.
Lastly, there are only three of the nine foster puppies still waiting for homes–the rest have been adopted!
6 thoughts on “Paralyzed?”
I myself often think about when is the right time. Not so much me but my partner is very cautious, and while I see it as holding us back, he sees it as being smart. A lot of the time he’s right and he keeps my careless self grounded. But I do always have the what if’s, especially when it comes to big decisions. What if we did it my way. I’m not sure what to say other than just listen to and trust yourself! I like to think about it as – no mistake is the end of the world, I have recovered from pretty big mistakes I made by diving into things head first instead of waiting for the right time. There’s always a way to fix things if you are creative.
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Beautiful, Christine! You are so right, no mistake is the end of the world. The regrets I carry are for not acting sooner on certain things. Time to stop with the fear! Thanks for your kind words!
Always hard to take a leap. Congrats on making a move!
We’re fostering just 1 puppy at the moment and he’s a terror! I don’t know how you do it.
So glad they’re all in homes now … 9 was overwhelming! Good for you for fostering!
I know what you mean that we can always come with an reason to not feel free. You might enjoy my latest post about FREE being my new ‘F’ word. As it is all a state of mind.
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And so I did enjoy it! It is all a state of mine…. something I must keep reminding myself of. Thank you!